"Fireproof" Your Marriage - What the divorce lawyers don't want you to know

I was asked to review the series “Love and Respect,” by Emerson Eggerichs, by my pastor for the purpose of advertising the upcoming seminar series to be presented by Redeemer Lutheran Church along with the movie, "Fireproof." I brought the series home and asked my husband to watch it with me so I could have another point of view.

After reluctantly agreeing to view the series with me, my husband said he really didn't think it would be useful, “just a bunch of feel good, fortune cookie garbage with no real depth.”

Eggerichs explained that I see things through pink glasses, speak through a pink megaphone and hear through pink hearing aids.  He, on the other hand, sees things through blue glasses, speaks through a blue megaphone and hears things through blue hearing aids.   Neither are wrong, just different. 

As we watched the series we noticed many examples of what Eggerichs defined as “The Crazy Cycle” that paralleled our own life. He put into words what we were feeling and thinking but, just didn't know how to communicate to each other.  He explained the motivation of reactions and how we misinterpret each other and about how we do not speak the same language.

Less than halfway through the first episode, Scott’s viewpoint changed 100 percent. He said that he could see much of what was going on in our life together at that time was being talked about in this video, and that he thought that Dr.Eggerich was making some very solid points.

To be honest, I was very pleasantly surprised by my husband's reaction to these videos. Our marriage at that time was stuck on the crazy cycle and we thought the only way off was divorce. I thought he gave up. I noticed that he was really trying to incorporate Eggerichs' techniques into our daily life and  I honestly didn't know what to think. I was confused, shocked, happy and afraid. What I have been praying for for so long was a reality. It couldn't be this easy. I found myself turning into the pessimist, waiting for the novelty to wear off and everything to return to its chaotic crazy cycle. I withdrew at first, afraid of getting hurt again, but the unconditional love continued to flow. Things between us began to change.

If you have ever loved your spouse you can get it back. There are no secrets, no magic cures, it is just basic science. A woman just wants to be loved and a man just wants to be respected. It is simple human nature. If you understand this simple concept and work on giving each other what you need unconditionally, it will become easier and easier to do so. You will begin to feel energized by your partner. He did continue to show me unconditional love and implement the techniques taught by Eggerichs, and I have slowly started to relax and open up. In fact, I think I respect him even more now.

If you are considering separation or divorce, are stuck in a rut, or if you are a young couple thinking of getting married I strongly recommend this series. It has changed our lives. 

This series will be held at Redeemer Lutheran Church, located at 1905 Madison SE on  Friday, Oct. 2 from 6 to 9:30 p.m., and  Saturday, Oct. 3, from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m.

A lunch will be provided on Saturday. Attendees are urged to call (616) 538-5791 and register by October 11 if possible.

On Sunday, Sept. 26 at 7 p.m., a viewing of the movie "Fireproof," starring Kirk Cameron, will be hosted at Redeemer Lutheran. This event is also free.