It is often agreed by both therapists and clergy that a large number of people grow up in homes and congregations where fear is the dominant factor in theology. This has emotionally and spiritually damaged many. I’m curious if the members of the panel have to invest a good deal of their time and energy ministering to this population. If so, what methods are used to heal these folks?
Rev. Ray Lanning, a retired minister of the Reformed Presbyterian Church of North America, responds:
“In my experience as a minister, theology is rarely the root of the fears, hurts, and damage inflicted on each other by members of a household or family. Contemplating the evil words and deeds of a wicked man, David concludes that “God is not in all his thoughts” (Psalm 10:3). If theology is ever invoked by such people, it is only to project their own sins and wickedness onto God, as God testifies in Psalm 50:20: “These things thou hast done, and I kept silence; thou thoughtest that I was altogether such an one as thyself.” Such people are altogether devoid of the fear of God: “The transgression of the wicked saith within my heart, that there is no fear of God before his eyes.” (Psalm 36:1).
” ‘The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: a good understanding have all they that do His commandments’ (Psalm 111:10). Fear of God has its place in the religious affections, mingled with faith in Him, and love for Him. ‘For the LORD is a great God, and a great King above all gods’ (Psalm 95:3). ‘Who is like unto Thee, O LORD, among the gods? Glorious in holiness, fearful in praises, doing wonders!’ (Exodus 15:11).
“Fear of God is an altogether healthy and right response to the might and majesty of the Maker of heaven and earth, the God of our salvation. The good news is, through faith in Jesus Christ, we can lay aside all fear of wrath and condemnation, and live joyfully in peace and love with this great God: ‘We have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ … we also joy in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom we have now received the atonement.’ (Romans 5:1, 12).”
Fred Stella, the Pracharak (Outreach Minister) for the West Michigan Hindu Temple, responds:
“I am fortunate in that this has never been an issue for me. I have never met a Hindu adult who has been traumatized or otherwise negatively affected by their religious upbringing in terms of fear. Of course, I’ve heard plenty of other complaints. The most common one is that parents would have them sit through intricate rituals without explaining the meaning and reasons for executing them. And on top of that, oftentimes the deep philosophical and theological questions that young people have would go unanswered. This is mainly due to the parents themselves not having much of clue.
“But I’ve never heard of a case where a child is coerced into any behavior due to being supernaturally threatened or punished in any way. Of course, there may be cases, but not to my knowledge.”
The Reverend Colleen Squires, minister at All Souls Community Church of West Michigan, a Unitarian Universalist Congregation, responds:
“A large part of my ministry in Grand Rapids is helping people heal and recover from the religious trauma they grew up in. They have rejected the religious beliefs they were taught as a child. They come to All Souls looking for a place with a different theology, one that inspires the human spirit to do good rather than one that teaches about sin and damnation.
“We welcome all people, and I have learned that listening intently to their story and validating their experience is what is needed most. They quickly learn they are not alone and others in our faith community have had similar experiences.”
The Rev. Sandra Nikkel, head pastor of Conklin Reformed Church, responds:
“Unfortunately, fear is often the foundation of much of the preaching and teaching of the Church and those who lead this type of teaching and preaching are themselves trapped by fear. Only those who are free from fear can minister to others in a healthy way. Those who represent God's Church using fear to draw people are misrepresenting the heart of God. Here is the heart of God for us:
“ ‘Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, because he has come to his people and redeemed them. He has raised up a horn of salvation for us in the house of his servant David (as he said through his holy prophets of long ago), salvation from our enemies and from the hand of all who hate us –to show mercy to our ancestors and to remember his holy covenant, the oath he swore to our father Abraham: to rescue us from the hand of our enemies, and to enable us to serve him without fear in holiness and righteousness before him all our days.’ (Luke 1-68-75).
“This is the way Jesus ministered to others and God beckons us to do the same!”
Father Kevin Niehoff, O.P., a Dominican priest who serves as Judicial Vicar, Diocese of Grand Rapids, responds:
“Oxford Languages defines fear as ‘an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain or a threat.’ ‘Holy fear is reverence and awe towards the Lord because of who He is and who we are’ (cf. http://www.murrayledger.com).
“To sum up the above, fear of God is not equal to a dangerous person or someone who will inflict pain. Holy fear is a profound respect for the awesomeness of God versus our human nature.
“The first step is to assess the source of an individual’s fear to determine if it is holy or other. If the individual is frightened and does not display a profound respect for God, I help them determine why. Sometimes professional therapy is required. However, spiritual direction may help the individual to heal.”
This column answers questions of Ethics and Religion by submitting them to a multi-faith panel of spiritual leaders in the Grand Rapids area. We’d love to hear about the ordinary ethical questions that come up in the course of your day as well as any questions of religion that you’ve wondered about. Tell us how you resolved an ethical dilemma and see how members of the Ethics and Religion Talk panel would have handled the same situation. Please send your questions to [email protected].
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