Ethics and Religion Talk: Whoops! I Gave My Vegan Friend Ham!

I love off-the-wall questions like this one:

Last week, I was hanging in the park smoking cannabis and having a picnic, eating a salad. A friend came by, also smoking, and reached over and started eating my salad. I was surprised and wasn't thinking clearly, so it didn't occur to me until later that my friend is vegan and my salad had ham in it.

Do I have an obligation to tell my friend that the salad he ate had ham in it? Or should I just keep quiet and pretend nothing happened? No matter what your answer is, I appreciate you explaining the logic or religious principles behind your response.

The Reverend Colleen Squires, minister at All Souls Community Church of West Michigan, a Unitarian Universalist Congregation, responds:

I do not believe you have any obligation to tell your friend about the ham in the salad but if he asks about it, you should be truthful. If your friend had asked permission to take a bite of your salad, I think it would be courteous of you to mention the ham. Being a vegan is a very restrictive diet, if it really mattered to him he should probably ask before grabbing a bite.  

Linda Knieriemen, Senior Pastor at First Presbyterian Church in Holland, responds:

Obligation? No. My understanding is that if a Jew or Moslem inadvertently eats pork there is no ‘sin.’ In this situation the vegan food grazer wasn’t caring much about what they were putting in their body or they would have been more careful before fork sunk in to the friend’s food (Isn’t this act a bit impudent anyway?). If it will relieve guilt on the part of the ham salad owner to tell the friend their was meat in the food, then they should relieve their guilt for their own sake.

 I think this situation invites conversation. What does your vegan dietary practice mean to you? Is your decision moral? Spiritual? Expected by religion? If you are about to eat something I know has meat or dairy, do you want me to tell you or should I expect you to ask me if you want to know?

Fred Stella, the Pracharak (Outreach Minister) for the West Michigan Hindu Temple, responds:

As with many Hindus, my diet is primarily plant based, though I do occasionally treat myself to seafood. Over the years I have accidentally ingested bits of meat here and there. And you know what? I’m still alive to talk about it. I refuse to sweat this. I know one Hindu who accidentally ate a piece of cake made with eggs, which his sect of Hinduism avoids. My goodness. You’d think someone shot him. I also recall about 20 years ago the news story of a Hindu who was mistakenly served a meat filled burrito at Taco Bell. He demanded that the company send him to India so he could undergo a purification ceremony. Again, a little eye roll here. The lawsuit that followed ended with an undisclosed settlement. Not sure if he got his trip.

As to your friend, it surprises the heck out of me that he did what he did. Before anything, it was a display of very bad manners to do what he did. Also, vegans I know are always very careful to ask about ingredients before they chow down. Most often, it’s pretty easy to spot meat in a dish; but many prepared foods will have animal byproducts such as egg or milk-based ingredients that are much harder to discern. 

So, by all means, let him know that he ate ham and let him deal with the karma.

Rev. Ray Lanning, a retired minister of the Reformed Presbyterian Church of North America, responds:

Such things do happen when one is not thinking clearly! I think the answer depends on why you friend is a vegan. If it is a religious practice, or based on religious convictions, he or she may feel stricken in conscience and need to do whatever they must to be cleansed of defilement and restored to peace and wholeness. They no doubt would thank you for alerting them to this error on their part.

Presbyterian and Reformed Christians are not compelled by our faith to observe any dietary restrictions as a matter of conscience toward God. The dietary laws of Moses had their day and purpose, but that time has passed, and their purpose has been accomplished or fulfilled, so they are no longer binding. I should note in passing that the first synod of the church did invoke a higher law, sanctioning the humane treatment of livestock: “Abstain from things strangled” (Acts 15:20). There is a strong Christian case to be made for the ethical treatment of animals, including how they are raised and slaughtered.

My response:

After the fact, it serves no purpose to tell your friend. He cannot, after all, un-eat the ham. Next time, think faster and tell him before he eats your salad. Better yet, next time tell him to bring his own salad and keep his hands off yours!