The Rapidian

Girlfriend sets 22 rules for boyfriend, highlighting perfect example of abuse

Girlfriend drafts contract for boyfriend to sign, includes 22 controlling rules and highlights examples of abusive behaviors
Girlfriend's 22 rules for boyfriend illustrate control and abusive behaviors

Girlfriend's 22 rules for boyfriend illustrate control and abusive behaviors /boredpanda

GRAND RAPIDS, MI -- Every relationship should have boundaries, but when those expectations become tactics to maintain power and control over a dating partner, it is almost always an indication of dating violence.

Twitter user @kkeyes96 recently found a contract between a couple when the boyfriend traded in his car, leaving the list of rules behind.

The rules, which were signed by the boyfriend, read:

  1. You are NOT to have a single girls phone number
  2. You are NOT to follow them on any social media (including Instagram, Snapchat, and Twitter)
  3. You are NOT to hang out with Keegan (including his house or anywhere in public)
  4. You are NOT to go to Honda without me
  5. You are NOT to hang out with your friends more than two times a week
  6. You are NOT to look at a single girl
  7. If girls come up to you at any place or anytime you are to walk away
  8. Mo is to NOT hang out [with] us every time we hang out
  9. You are NOT to ask for head
  10. You are NOT to get mad at me about a single thing ever again
  11. You are NOT to bring up Tyler, Noah, Deven, or Josh ever again
  12. You are NOT allowed to drink unless I am with you
  13. I am allowed to do a phone check when EVER I please
  14. If we move in there are NEVER to be girls at our house
  15. If we move in together your friends will RARELY be allowed over
  16. If I catch you around girls I kill you
  17. You are NOT to ditch me for your friends
  18. Austin does NOT CONTROL WHEN I HANG OUT WITH YOU!
  19. We are to go on a legit date once every two weeks at least
  20. If I say jump you say “how high princess”
  21. You are to make sure you tell me you love me once a day at least so I know your [sic] not messing around
  22. You are to NEVER take longer than 10 mins to text me back

“The expectations outlined in this contract are not only unhealthy, they are abusive,” said Tara Aday, director of prevention and education at Safe Haven. “Unfortunately, they are all too common behaviors we see used in abusive relationships.

“Moreover, it isn’t just something we are observing in adult relationships. These unhealthy behaviors are also being perpetrated in teen and young adult relationships.”

Aday said controlling access to friends, monitoring phone calls or texts and making threats all exemplify an imbalance of power and control.

“At the root of this set of rules is a lack of trust,” she said. “In order for a relationship to be healthy, there must be trust and a sharing of power.”

Aday said the contract also highlights an important reminder that is often overlooked: Men and boys can absolutely experience dating and domestic abuse—whether it is in a heterosexual or LGBTQ relationship.

“The myth that men cannot experience dating violence is absolutely wrong,” Aday said. “Whether it is physical, emotional, psychological, technological or sexual abuse, men can experience these forms of abuse as well.”

If you are a teen or adult that may be experiencing dating or domestic violence, there is help. Safe Haven offers a 24/7 hotline and all of its services are completely free and confidential: 616-452-6664.

 

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