The Artists of Heartside Gallery and Studio: Alyssa

This article was written in collaboration with the artist.

Our featured artist for October is Alyssa.

Here's a little bit about the artist, in her own words:

My name is Alyssa. I was born in February 1988, here in Grand Rapids. Growing up,  I always thought I had an OK childhood, but as I look back, I know different. The words "That's not good enough" were prominent growing up. I spent years trying to find approval from anyone. Throughout my elementary years, I was shunned because I was maturing faster than others. They teased me, and I spent most of my time alone because of it. When I would do something I was proud of, it seems I would still fall short of my parents expectations.  I would spend a lot of time in my room, lying on the floor, with headphones on, crying, while I slipped away into my own world-one where there was no such thing as 'not good enough.'

At a young age, I fell into drugs and rebellion. By the time I was eighteen, I had dropped out of school.  My life took a wrong turn. I was married by the time I was twenty-one and gave birth to two beautiful children, Jaymes & Aliyah.  My husband was very abusive. He would often leave me bruised and broken, mentally. We lived in Illinois at the time, where I had two jobs and was on my way to getting my own apartment-but my life was hell. We lived with my husband's mother, who was abusive and mean. I couldn't take it anymore, so I left my husband after nearly two years of marriage. I became pregnant with my third child, which I chose to give to a family to adopt.  When Alex was born in 2009, the adoptive mother helped me give birth. She held my hand and cut the umbilical cord-we called it the transfer of motherhood. I can't explain the pain I felt as I let Alex go, but I had to move on with my life. A month later, I was working and had my two children in daycare. I was doing ok until I started going back and forth to Grand Rapids to see a guy I was dating. This was when I started using methadone. I moved to Grand Rapids, which was the worst decision I have made.

My children were taken away by Child Protective Services in October, 2010.  I got evicted from my home, and was desperate for money. I turned to dancing, which led to prostitution and cocaine- a lot of cocaine. By Christmas, I weighed 80 lbs. I had been raped, beaten, and left to die. I couldn't live like that anymore. I wanted nothing more than to just get my children back. This time it was me telling myself I wasn't good enough.

I discovered Heartside Gallery, where I started doing art to let go of the emotions I had bottled up. I found that I was good enough here. I also found a family and self-esteem. I met my boyfriend, Robert, who has been my biggest supporter. He's kept me strong in a time when all I wanted to do is curl up and die.

It's been a year since my kids have been in foster care. And although I still have a lot to do before they can come home, I have changed. I'm a student at GRCC, where I study photography. I have dreams of becoming a veterinarian. I love art because it's a way of telling my story. It’s a way to release the memories and sometimes the guilt.  Sometimes I don’t show my work to anybody, but I’ll do something and want to put it on the wall.  Most of my pieces symbolize wanting to be free or to love, or to just show exactly what I see in my mind.  I believe God has a plan for me. I believe it's never too late to save a life.

The Artists of Heartside Gallery and Studio is a monthly feature to highlight some of the wonderful people of the Heartside neighborhood.  Visit www.heartside.org, Facebook and our Flickr page to keep up with us, to learn about volunteering and other ways to get involved.

Sarah Scott is Arts Coordinator for Heartside Gallery and Studio, and can be reached at [email protected]